Wednesday, December 7, 2016

The President Donald John Trump Triumphal Inaugural March (To the Tune of Gilbert & Sullivan's "When I Was a Lad," Because the Times call for Bustle, Blunder & Bombast, with Just a Hint of Fakery)

The President Donald J. Trump Triumphal Inaugural March

By David Hartley Mark

(To the tune of Gilbert & Sullivan’s “When I Was a Lad”
Because the times call for Bustle, Blunder, and Bombast, with Just a Hint of Fakery)

When I was a lad
My dad gave me
A million dollars
All for free
I helped him build
Kept the Negroes out
In the post-War world we made a pile
And now, I shout

Chorus:

In the post-War world they made a pile,
And now, he shouts

I married chicks,
I molested many more
And thought I was smart,
Because I could score
I rubbed elbows with
New York’s elite:
And I hired undocumented folks
Whom I proceeded to cheat

He hired un-doc-u-mented folks
He proceeded to cheat

I built casinos
Where I hung my name
And by dealing cards
I won more fame
I warped Atlantic City
Into Babylon
But the jobs that I had promised
Are disappeared and gone

All the jobs that he had promised
Are disappeared and gone

I pontificated
Over things I didn’t know
And I was so bored
Into politics I would go
I screamed about—whatever,
People listened to me,
And I bet I could be pres-i-dent,
As a joke, you see

He bet he could be pres-i-dent
As a joke, we see

I insulted fellow candidates,
As I’d done on my TV show,
I fired them all
They couldn’t withstand my blows
I interrupted their speeches,
I called them names,
And by claiming outsider status,
I won the game

By claiming outsider status
He won the game

The GOP Solons
Bet the farm against me
And Hillary Clinton
Thought her race would run free
The pundits and predictors
Were amazed and blown away
When Forgotten Men and Women
Carried my day away!

When Forgotten Men and Women
Carried his day away

Now I’ll go into office
But I haven’t a clue
All I do is Twitter
And my ignorance shines through
I appoint other blowhards
To high offices of the Land
But I must confess, in private,
I have nothing planned

He must confess, in private,
He has nothing planned

So pray for me, all friends and foes
That the Country bears with me
And the next four or eight years
Won’t spawn Catastrophe
The Nazis, Nuts, and KKK
Have bubbled up from cess
And I don’t know what to say to them
I owe them my success

He don’t know what to say to them
He owes them his success

The lesson of this all, America,
Is, people can be trashed
By fake hair, words, fake intellect,
And a wallet full of cash
In the meantime, my advisors
Are mainly greedy thieves
When we go into the White House
It will stink up to the eaves

When they go into the W.H.
It will stink up to the eaves

There hasn’t been a mob like us
Since the days of U.S. Grant
At least he was a general:
I’m really more a plant—
I don’t know what I’m doing
I don’t know what to say:
If you want to, read my twitterings,
I do that, night and day

If you want to, read his twitterings,
He does that, night and day

I cannot fathom Democracy
An Emperor’s more my job:
I pass my laws so easily,
140-characters, Begob!
If you doubt my style of government,
Then you’re no patriot,
I’ll toss you over my Great Wall,
And leave me with my Nuts.

He’ll toss you over his Great Wall,

And leave him with his Nuts.